I could not be happier to be home

                                            Hello Christmas

It's now a year since I came back from New Zealand. Year ago I got to see my family and friends again. 18th of december 2012 I was finally back in Finland. I would not have to go back and I was with my family again. I was
back home. 

I feel like I need to talk about how my exchange was not the best year of my life, or something else people usually say about their exchange, because usually you only hear about how awesome it was, and people feel ashamed to say that their exchange was maybe not the best one. It's somehow embarrassing if you didn't have the best exchange ever. Well, you did not fail. No matter what they say. Easy for them to blame the foreign exchange student. There is things we could've done differently, but we're not the only ones who need to readjust. I did have good moments and I do have good memories (of course) but I do have bad memories too. I do not blame anyone and I'm not going to yell at anyone because by breaking other people I will not fix myself. I'm not going to blame myself either, even though a many people would think everything was my fault and I should blame myself. I won't. I know I could've done many things
differently, but so could've so many other people. We all make mistakes. I've learned my lesson, and that should be enough.

I can't say I'd actually regret it. It was an experience. Experience, during which I grew up. I learned a lot about myself and about other people, I learned to stand up on my own and I now know I will be fine alone too.

Not only to say bad things about my exchange, I liked my high school and I did got true friends who didn't turn their back on me. I can't thank you people enough, who stayed by my side and who were my friends at school and else. I was happy to go to school, I learned a lot, my language skills got better and I got to do music and theatre which I loved and which taught me a lot.

When people ask me about my exchange, I rather not talk about it. I might say ''well, it wasn't the best year of my life, but I learned a lot''. I've probably said that learning things million times, but I can not say it enough! I see many things differently now. My point of view has changed on many things. 

Above all, I got courage. I grew strong and independent. I got hurt, but I survived. 

Would I go back? No. Would I go, if someone would show me a video how it's gonna be? No. Would I go if I'd get to try again? No. Will I ever go back? I don't know. For now, I can't. Can I ever? I have no answer to that. 

I've coped well. I finished my school - just got my life back on track, and notwithstanding the big changes in my life I tried just to continue my everyday life.

But I couldn't be happier to be home. That's definitely true. It wasn't my place or my year, but it's long gone now. Not to remember all the bad things, but the good ones. The bad memories won't go away though, so I do keep thinking of them. I just try to focus more on the good memories.

Not too many days till Christmas! And I'm home. 

xoxo Dora