''It does not matter how slowly you go
as so long as you do not stop.''
- Andy Warhol
October
Sorry I haven't been writing almost for a month, but I've been so busy and stressed that I haven't had time to think! I had my final exams and I should graduate this December. So there will be a big change in my life. It's kind of scary. But I'm brave.
So, now all my exams are over and I shouldn't have any school left. But I do. I still go to school every single day. I sing in a choir, I'm doing a musical and another musical for children, composing/playing/singing music for a dance performance on a course at school, I have a classical singing lesson once a week at school and I play in our school orchestra. I love it. I only go to school for music. I couldn't wish for better! I also got into a music institute to study singing, so I actually have singing lesson twice a week. Which is just awesome. These are all things that make me happy. So happy. I rather focus on them than on the bad things. It's easier to take the things that make me sad when I have something to smile about, too.
I am worried that I will get stressed because even though I love what I'm doing, there's still a lot to handle. I hope there isn't too much. I still need to remember to take some time for myself - just to relax and gather my thoughts.
You probably remember that I sprained my ankle 2 months ago. It already got better, and I started running again, but now it's gone worse again. That makes me sad, because running is therapy for me. When I'm stressed a run makes me feel so much better! I wouldn't mind walking either, but right now there's really nothing I can do. I really miss running.
It's really hard for me not to exercise. I know it's best for myself (so my ankle would heal) not to exercise, but oh how I hate waiting. Autumn is my favourite season, so I would love to run outside right now. Soon it's dark and too cold to run outside. I love the colours of autumn, they inspire me and early mornings with mist on the fields and between the trees - it looks just beautiful.
It takes a lot of determination and patience to keep calm and not go running or walking. I've done most work with my mind. My body tells me with the pain that I shouldn't burden the ankle but my mind says I can run. I can deal with the pain. But it's been worth of all the fighting with my mind. I've learned a lot of myself and I know I can wait. Running has kind of been a temptation that I know now I can avoid if I want.
I've been working on my arms and shoulders because I haven't really been able to run. The best reward is to see the results! And remember, you can love your body and still work out to change it. Learn to love your body. It's yours, and only yours and you're the one living in it. So why not to love it? I haven't loved my body. But as I've done, I have learned to love it. I'm still learning, and it isn't always easy, but if I can do it, you can too. Remember, you are beautiful. The way you are and especially if you feel comfortable in your own body.
I've of course been worried that all the hard work I've done goes to waste when I'm on a sick leave and can't burn the calories I eat. But I've been eating clean, and by actually looking what I eat it's been all right. Yes, I've been eating chocolate and cookies - that doesn't mean I couldn't get fit and live healthy. It's different if you eat a bar of chocolate every day than if you eat properly and then on one day you have a piece of chocolate. We all need to spoil ourselves a little sometimes!
I usually think that I can eat it, if I consume it. That works for me. May not work for everyone, and that's why it's important to find your own way.
But don't give up. Slow progress is better than no progress. And be proud of yourself if you try. And be proud of yourself every time you succeed. I wish to inspire people. Some day I hope I can be an inspiration to others. If any of you ever wish to talk to me about anything, I will listen. You can leave a comment as an anonymous or If you wish you can email me, just ask.
There will always be jealous people. They will judge you. Say bad things about you, and try to pull you down. Sometimes it really hurts, and it's okay to get hurt. But don't get stuck on it. I usually talk about it to someone - and that makes me feel better. Don't go into it. You get nothing from hurting them back. And that's what they crave. Attention. When I hear that someone has said something bad about me, I usually take it emotionally. But it's okay. Then I might go for a run, think about it, and usually I realize that they're wrong and just tried to hurt me. But they can't. I get stronger. And I learn from them. First I care, and then I don't. I get nothing from someone saying bad things about me, so I don't want to waste my time on it. A negative mind will never give you a positive life. That's one of my new favourite quotes. I'm learning how to live like it says. I am progress.
As I haven't been able to run I have had to invent something else to help me to relax and to do when I'm stressed, sad or maybe angry. It hasn't been easy. I've needed some imagination. For me the other way has been music and reading. Luckily I've had a lot to do anyway.
Other than my ankle, everything is going really well. I've experienced happiness a lot lately. It took me a while to open my eyes and realize that happiness can be found right next to you. So close, but I was looking somewhere else. Happiness is found on small things. What makes you happy? In the end it's quite simple. If it makes you happy, do it. If it doesn't do not. Sometimes we need to do thing we don't like and that don't make us happy, but I think it as a lesson. And I always learn something from it. And maybe, what I just learned, helps me find happiness some other day.
Enjoy the last days of this beautiful autumn!
xoxo Dora
All the photos in this blog post are again taken by my dear friend Aino.
