Merry Christmas to everyone!

                    It's Christmas!

 

Christmas decorations/Christmas gifts/My Christmas candles on my desk/Champagne 

I'm a bit sad we don't have any snow here in Helsinki, but our house is full of Christmas decorations and my family and friends make me feel the magic of Christmas :) 

Our fireplace/Christmas                  flowers/Traditional Christmas flower/Our Christmas penguin 

My Christmas look/Merry Christmas!/Gift from myself to myself/Christmas morning and my new lovely silky dressing gown

I wish Merry Christmas to all of my readers and all of you who has visited my blog :) Enjoy the holidays! 

                 xoxo Dora

I could not be happier to be home

                                            Hello Christmas

It's now a year since I came back from New Zealand. Year ago I got to see my family and friends again. 18th of december 2012 I was finally back in Finland. I would not have to go back and I was with my family again. I was
back home. 

I feel like I need to talk about how my exchange was not the best year of my life, or something else people usually say about their exchange, because usually you only hear about how awesome it was, and people feel ashamed to say that their exchange was maybe not the best one. It's somehow embarrassing if you didn't have the best exchange ever. Well, you did not fail. No matter what they say. Easy for them to blame the foreign exchange student. There is things we could've done differently, but we're not the only ones who need to readjust. I did have good moments and I do have good memories (of course) but I do have bad memories too. I do not blame anyone and I'm not going to yell at anyone because by breaking other people I will not fix myself. I'm not going to blame myself either, even though a many people would think everything was my fault and I should blame myself. I won't. I know I could've done many things
differently, but so could've so many other people. We all make mistakes. I've learned my lesson, and that should be enough.

I can't say I'd actually regret it. It was an experience. Experience, during which I grew up. I learned a lot about myself and about other people, I learned to stand up on my own and I now know I will be fine alone too.

Not only to say bad things about my exchange, I liked my high school and I did got true friends who didn't turn their back on me. I can't thank you people enough, who stayed by my side and who were my friends at school and else. I was happy to go to school, I learned a lot, my language skills got better and I got to do music and theatre which I loved and which taught me a lot.

When people ask me about my exchange, I rather not talk about it. I might say ''well, it wasn't the best year of my life, but I learned a lot''. I've probably said that learning things million times, but I can not say it enough! I see many things differently now. My point of view has changed on many things. 

Above all, I got courage. I grew strong and independent. I got hurt, but I survived. 

Would I go back? No. Would I go, if someone would show me a video how it's gonna be? No. Would I go if I'd get to try again? No. Will I ever go back? I don't know. For now, I can't. Can I ever? I have no answer to that. 

I've coped well. I finished my school - just got my life back on track, and notwithstanding the big changes in my life I tried just to continue my everyday life.

But I couldn't be happier to be home. That's definitely true. It wasn't my place or my year, but it's long gone now. Not to remember all the bad things, but the good ones. The bad memories won't go away though, so I do keep thinking of them. I just try to focus more on the good memories.

Not too many days till Christmas! And I'm home. 

xoxo Dora

Getting ready for my graduation

 Oh My Gosh!

 It seems to be tomorrow! My graduation. Crazy huh? I graduate from high school. School's out! (High school at least)

I am so happy because I see results -  I've been on a diet for two months because of tomorrow and I've been working out too. It's so rewarding to see results, and hopefully I will look amazing in my dress. 

Fine, I admit, I've been working out my arms a lot… But I wanted them to look good in my dress! And I like my biceps. Though they could always be bigger!

I am so proud of that tummy. Thank you so much 2 months diet and cravings that I resisted (like cereals and croissants at breakfast time). Though for example eating porridge with cottage cheese for breakfast has become a lifestyle for me. You can get addicted to healthy eating too! Not kidding! 

I am fine with my body. I feel better when I work out and I'm always happy to  see the results and to improve my body. I can always change it to be better, but I am pleased with my body right now too. I live in it, so I should be happy with it! It's mine and only mine. I carry it with happiness. 

Those shoulders aren't much (or big) as you can see. But I'm working on it! I am progress. But they'll at least look good when I'm wearing my dress. 

Everything seems to be ready for tomorrow. I have my dress, my cap, shoes and everything else too. Now I should chill out but I can't relax - I'm just running around because I am so nervous! 

I am nervous because I have been honored to give the speech (of a graduated student). But it will go well, I'm sure. I just can't look around because if people cry, I will start to cry too! 

This is my cap! 

We went to take some test photos last week. Here you can see few of them! I wish we had snow, but no can do. I'm sure the photos will be amazing without snow too!

They're taken by my dear friend Aino. I love you. You're simply the best.

Here in Finland graduation from high school is a pretty big thing. We have this huge party and all family and friends will be invited. We get a dress (or else) of our dreams and a white cap that tells everyone you graduated successfully. I compare this to New Zealand, where graduation from high school is no big deal (I've done it).. Everyone is just in their school uniforms and there is no party or anything. There the big thing is if you get into University and when you graduate from University I guess. Not sure though!

I am pleased with my leaving certificate. I got pretty good grades in my opinion. They're good enough for me, and I'm happy with them, so that's enough. 

My dress is still a secret! But I promise you some photos later.

Here you can see my lashes! I got lash extensions and I love them. They're perfect. Not too much, but to make an impression and to turn heads! So happy.

Well what else? I don't know. I'm nervous. And stressed. And you'll get more photos later! 

Wish me luck!

xoxo Dora

My room, my kingdom

Here's my room at my dad's house. I usually spend here the weekends (so I'm not living here full-time) and that's why it is so clean in the photos! 

My favourite thing is my super soft and big bed, and that lamp which is full of love poems written in different languages - finnish till chinese. I made this post also because I wanted to try to photograph furniture. I liked it! 

xoxo Dora

Some times things just fall off your plate

I am too busy! There's way too much things to do. But you can follow me on instagram (ddora) and keep updated about what I'm up to!

Here's some photos I've taken lately. And I promise there'll be another blog post real soon (it'll be about my room!)

Any ideas that you wish I'd write about? 

xoxo Dora 

Find the things to be happy about

''It does not matter how slowly you go 

as so long as you do not stop.''

- Andy Warhol

October

Sorry I haven't been writing almost for a month, but I've been so busy and stressed that I haven't had time to think! I had my final exams and I should graduate this December. So there will be a big change in my life. It's kind of scary. But I'm brave. 

So, now all my exams are over and I shouldn't have any school left. But I do. I still go to school every single day. I sing in a choir, I'm doing a musical and another musical for children, composing/playing/singing music for a dance performance on a course at school, I have a classical singing lesson once a week at school and I play in our school orchestra. I love it. I only go to school for music. I couldn't wish for better! I also got into a music institute to study singing, so I actually have singing lesson twice a week. Which is just awesome. These are all things that make me happy. So happy. I rather focus on them than on the bad things. It's easier to take the things that make me sad when I have something to smile about, too. 

I am worried that I will get stressed because even though I love what I'm doing, there's still a lot to handle. I hope there isn't too much. I still need to remember to take some time for myself - just to relax and gather my thoughts. 

You probably remember that I sprained my ankle 2 months ago. It already got better, and I started running again, but now it's gone worse again. That makes me sad, because running is therapy for me. When I'm stressed a run makes me feel so much better! I wouldn't mind walking either, but right now there's really nothing I can do. I  really miss running. 

It's really hard for me not to exercise. I know it's best for myself (so my ankle would heal) not to exercise, but oh how I hate waiting. Autumn is my favourite season, so I would love to run outside right now. Soon it's dark and too cold to run outside. I love the colours of autumn, they inspire me and early mornings with mist on the fields and between the trees - it looks just beautiful. 

It takes a lot of determination and patience to keep calm and not go running or walking. I've done most work with my mind. My body tells me with the pain that I shouldn't burden the ankle but my mind says I can run. I can deal with the pain. But it's been worth of all the fighting with my mind. I've learned a lot of myself and I know I can wait. Running has kind of been a temptation that I know now I can avoid if I want. 

I've been working on my arms and shoulders because I haven't really been able to run. The best reward is to see the results! And remember, you can love your body and still work out to change it. Learn to love your body. It's yours, and only yours and you're the one living in it. So why not to love it? I haven't loved my body. But as I've done, I have learned to love it. I'm still learning, and it isn't always easy, but if  I can do it, you can too. Remember, you are beautiful. The way you are and especially if you feel comfortable in your own body. 

I've of course been worried that all the hard work I've done goes to waste when I'm on a sick leave and can't burn the calories I eat. But I've been eating clean, and by actually looking what I eat it's been all right. Yes, I've been eating chocolate and cookies - that doesn't mean I couldn't get fit and live healthy. It's different if you eat a bar of chocolate every day than if you eat properly and then on one day you have a piece of chocolate. We all need to spoil ourselves a little sometimes!

I usually think that I can eat it, if I consume it. That works for me. May not work for everyone, and that's why it's important to find your own way. 

But don't give up. Slow progress is better than no progress. And be proud of yourself if you try. And be proud of yourself every time you succeed. I wish to inspire people. Some day I hope I can be an inspiration to others. If any of you ever wish to talk to me about anything, I will listen. You can leave a comment as an anonymous or If you wish you can email me, just ask. 

There will always be jealous people. They will judge you. Say bad things about you, and try to pull you down. Sometimes it really hurts, and it's okay to get hurt. But don't get stuck on it. I usually talk about it to someone - and that makes me feel better. Don't go into it. You get nothing from hurting them back. And that's what they crave. Attention. When I hear that someone has said something bad about me, I usually take it emotionally. But it's okay. Then I might go for a run, think about it, and usually I realize that they're wrong and just tried to hurt me. But they can't. I get stronger. And I learn from them. First I care, and then I don't. I get nothing from someone saying bad things about me, so I don't want to waste my time on it. A negative mind will never give you a positive life. That's one of my new favourite quotes. I'm learning how to live like it says. I am progress.

As I haven't been able to run I have had to invent something else to help me to relax and to do when I'm stressed, sad or maybe angry. It hasn't been easy. I've needed some imagination. For me the other way has been music and reading. Luckily I've had a lot to do anyway. 

Other than my ankle, everything is going really well. I've experienced happiness a lot lately. It took me a while to open my eyes and realize that happiness can be found right next to you. So close, but I was looking somewhere else. Happiness is found on small things. What makes you happy? In the end it's quite simple. If it makes you happy, do it. If it doesn't do not. Sometimes we need to do thing we don't like and that don't make us happy, but I think it as a lesson. And I always learn something from it. And maybe, what I just learned, helps me find happiness some other day. 

Enjoy the last days of this beautiful autumn!

xoxo Dora

All the photos in this blog post are again taken by my dear friend Aino.